A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
