My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Come on in and take your pants off
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