I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
