Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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