69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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