I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
