I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
