ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
