They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
