He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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