Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
