Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
