she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
