he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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