I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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