Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
