In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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