I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
