I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
