Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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