If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
