The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
