I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
