Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
