Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
