sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i will never coherently bang her
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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