Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
