I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
