my room smells like sperm. sweet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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