It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
