I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
