We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
