It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
