Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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