Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This baby is an asshole
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
