i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
