wat bout pragnant strippers??
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
