my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
