its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
