There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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