His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
