Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Im part way to drunk.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
