i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can't talk, ducks in the car
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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