Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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