One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
