Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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