the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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