You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
