I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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