I think I died a long time ago.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she told me i tasted like america
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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