my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
