so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
