I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
